Unlocking Relationship Blocks, Barriers and Blunders

If there's any part of you that wants more love or a better relationship and are wondering what you might want to do to create it...

So, what are these blocks, barriers and blunders that keep us from having the love passion and connection we want that we're talking about?

There's certainly a whole lot more to it than this but if theres a challenge in ANY area of your life, you can know that it's something in
one of these areas...

~Your Thoughts

~Your Beliefs

~Your Attitudes

~Your Actions

or

~ Your Strategies.

That's it.

Everything else is just the details.

You can always trace any challenge back to
one of these areas and here's a practical
example to illustrate this...

Someone said

"How can you stop thinking about the past and only think about the good things you and your partner have now?"

This is an excellent question and one we'll
answer in this way...

This person didn't say whether it was 'their' past together or the past before getting together that they couldn't stop thinking negatively about so here are our thoughts...

In this situation, If you can't stop thinking about the past (and it's causing challenges in the relationship) then one of two things is going on...

Either you have quite a few thoughts that you continue to think on an ongoing basis in which you aren't questioning the validity of and these thoughts seem be a trigger for you and are keeping you "stuck"...

or

...you have unhealed issues from your past
or current relationship that need to be identified, looked at squarely and healed before they destroy your relationship or marriage.

If you think about it this person's situation is
no different than anything you might be going through now or in the future. It goes back to one of those five issues we described above that need to be solved.

To help you with any relationship challenge,
question, issue or concern here are some
powerful questions to ask yourself to help you determine where the problem is and how you can release it...

Are the things I'm thinking about this situation actually true or are they things I'm only worried or concerned about that aren't actually true?

What are the beliefs I hold that could be
contributing negatively to this situation?

Are these beliefs I hold moving me closer to or further from the love, passion and connection I want?

What attitudes do I have that are contributing to this situation? What beliefs do I have that are contributing to this situation?

Are the things I've done been helpful in this
situation or have they taken me further from what I want?

Is there a better or different strategy I could
try in this situation to help us work through
this situation?

As you know from reading this newsletter,
we're huge fans of the power questions in
making big changes and shifts in your life.

The questions above are just a few and you're certainly encouraged to come up with
your own questions to help you make shifts in your relationships and life.

So, what do all these questions have to do with relationship blocks, barriers and blunders?

Everything actually.

Most people tend to think (erroneously) that
the problems of life are 'out there" instead of "in here" or inside you.

If you are having challenges in your
relationships (or any aspect of your life for
that matter), asking yourself the right questions and being open to new answers is a powerful strategy to use for making shifts for the better.

Asking yourself the right questions and being open to the answer also requires you take personal responsibility for what you are creating in your relationships and life.

This "taking personal responsibility" is, in our opinion, something that we need much more of in a world where nearly everyone wants to point the finger outward and place blame elsewhere.

We believe that we are ALL the creators in our lives.

Not someone else. It's us.

Please understand that we're NOT saying that there isn't a God, creator or higher power that created all of us and our world. That's not what we're saying at all.

What we are saying is this-- not taking
responsibility for what happens in our lives is definitely a barrier to connecting with the people in our lives.

What we have discovered is this: When we take responsibility for our lives and everything in them-- the problems, issues and challenges we have seem to start working themselves out.

Solve Conflicts in Relationships

Solve Conflicts by taking the LEAD

Conflict is not in and of itself a bad thing. In fact, conflicts in relationships can be constructive when used as a vehicle for improving communication. The following four steps can help you use conflict as a tool for gaining clarity, creating deeper understanding and strengthening relationships.

When you are in the midst of conflict, take the LEAD to manage it respectfully and calmly.

Listen to what is being said. Many times, conflict arises from a simple lack of understanding or miscommunication. Avoid making assumptions about what you hear. Instead, ask for clarification. For example, “I heard you say X, is that what you meant?”

Explorethe feelings that come up – Sometimes conflict escalates because something about the situation is an emotional trigger for us. If you’re feeling upset by the conversation, try to determine where the feeling is coming from. Take several deep breaths and try to remember that what is happening now is completely separate from the past. You can manage conflict more effectively if you deal only with the matter at hand. When you start introducing memories and past sleights it will be tough to get past the history of bad feelings to work toward a positive outcome.

Affirm the other person’s point of view. You don’t have to agree to understand the other point of view. Simply acknowledging and validating someone’s feelings can be a powerful tool for resolving conflict positively. At the end of the day, most people just want to be heard.

Decide on a fair course of action. Now that you have a clear idea of what the problem is and where the person is coming from, it is time to explore some solutions. Throw out some ideas that you can vet together. Choose the soundest option that you can agree on. Plan to revisit your decision within a specified period of time to see how you are doing and what changes, if any, need to be made.