Every woman has the ability to make any man fall in love with her.Relationships are what we make of it,as the saying goes"as u lay your bed,so you will lay on it".
Today we are going to be looking at the power of a woman in any relationship,her role in keeping that relationship and as a woman,i am obliged to say this, we have more work to do in any relationship be it dating, marriage or just a mere friendship.
When a man sees a lady, there is always something that strikes the cord in him, it may be the way u are dressed, the way u did your nails or the way u stood and spoke to him,it could be a number of things, some very insignificant but yet, he is chasing after you like a cat chasing a mouse.
Now, when he is done chasing and u agree to date or be in a relationship, he falls back to his seat, it is now your duty as a woman to keep him interested in you. We as women have great powers but most of us don't even know it, we let the men do all the work, let them make all the decisions,let them decide what should happen in our relationship and when that happens, we loss them to the next girl with the same thing that attracted you to him in the first place.
To keep a man in a relationship is not as difficult as we make it, it requires patience, Understanding,Tolerance and most of all Compromise. "What u don't know its worth u don't appreciate", so when u don't know the kind of Man u are with, u don't know his worth and then u loss him and u cry meanwhile it was actually your fault.
When u dont know what a man likes abt you, why he is attracted to you,what he likes about you, why he behaves the way he behaves at certain times,u cant tolerate his flaws, you are not ready to be his helpmate, his friend then my dear, you are headed for a break up. Like i usually say, "a man is a Big baby" and as a baby would , they need attention too,need you to notice when something is wrong even when they don't show it, when they are in a foul mood,need you to listen to them even when you don't understand a word they are saying, they need us to be there for them just like their Mums.
Ever wonder why every man wants to marry a woman like his Mum? because she knows hims, sees through his pains, pets him and take very good care of him,knows when he is sad,worried and she shares in all of it,that is all they want from us, for us to be a part of life,share in pains,joy,laughter and misfortunes,feel everything he feels like it happened to you and then gradually help him through it and be better than his mum because we have an added advantage......SEX.
This is all it takes to keep a relationship, every woman has the ability to make any man fall in love with her. Its not an easy task but if the guy is worth go the extra mile and you will see him all over you.
..................... Love is the Ultimate...............
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
LETTING GO OF PAST HURTS AND PAINS AND BUILDING ONE TRUST.
Have you ever felt hurt or betrayed by anyone, anywhere or anytime in your past?
No matter what age you are, we're guessing that you said "yes" to the above question.
We've certainly had them.
You may not consciously think about them but they are there, coloring your values, beliefs, thoughts, actions and interactions with others--unless you've done some deep healing.
As you may have already experienced, these past hurts can certainly affect new relationships in harmful ways.
Here are a couple of really good questions about this issue from a person who responded to our latest survey on trust...
"How do you release past hurts and betrayals in order to gain more trust in your relationship? How do you not project those past hurts onto your current partner?"
Here's something that we feel really sure in
saying...
Some of the reasons we come together in any
relationship are to help each other to heal, to
learn and to grow-- and this includes healing
past hurts.
The opportunity for healing in a relationship
can come in the form of showing us an
exaggerated version of the scenario from the past that we're holding on to, a mirror for us, or showing us an alternative way of being.
What we're saying is that if you've buried past hurts, they will come up--but that doesn't mean that they have to ruin your current relationship.
While our tendency as humans is to create
similar situations over and over until we learn from them, heal and grow, we can start to make healthy choices that can help us enjoy ourselves a whole lot more in our relationships.
When people first get together, at times you will feel like there were uncanny resemblances between your current and ex. These weren't physical similarities but were rather ways that both of them would react to you in certain instances.
At those times, you have to do "a lot of work on
yourself"to remember that this was a different relationship .
So what kind of "work" do you have to do on
yourself?
Here are some ideas used to help heal past hurts, create more trust, and deeper love and connection in your relationship...
1. Recognize when you are triggered and
carried into the past. Ask yourself if your anger, withdrawal or whatever you happen to do when you are triggered is either magnified by something that happened in your past or maybe even totally from your past.
In other words, can you identify whether you were triggered entirely by what's happening in the present or is your reaction mostly from what happened in your past?
2. Identify your thoughts and fears and question them. You may have heard the saying that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. We suggest that you write your thoughts and fears on paper and then question their truth in your current life.
3. If you aren't sure whether your reactions
or fears are about the past or the present, ask your partner for a clarification about whatever triggered you before you react. Ask with curiosity, not blame.
4. Practice discernment. Create ways to
differentiate one partner from another when
you are triggered--whether your current partner is actually "doing" anything or treating you as someone in your past treated you--or not.
Ask yourself--"How is this person or this
experience different from my current partner or situation?" Find evidence that supports this difference.
You might even keep this "evidence" on a note card where you will see it often.
5. Remind yourself that "that was then and this is now." You are not the person you were when you had those previous experiences and although you may feel there are some similarities with your current partner, remind yourself that you can make different choices.
You can make those choices not from fear, but from what you want more of. You can choose to focus on what you want and not on what you don't want--and look for evidence that it's there.
That's not to say that you close your eyes to harmful patterns that are actually repeating in your life.
But it is to say that you look at what's happening in your present with honesty and curiosity and not stay stuck in past emotions.
Don't allow your past to create your present and future.
ADVICE FOR THE BROKEN HEART.
Wat makes every situation unique is the fact that u always learn something new.So its our relationships,failed or working ones,there's always something you can learn from every experience. Often it's the seed of a current or past "failure" that fuels you to the very success that you've always dreamed of. Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them.
It's the power of contrast that living in an unfulfilling relationship may give you. A woman brought her intimate relationship to an end after several years of turmoil with her partner. After the break-up, she realized what this relationship had taught her and that it wasn't a "failure."
This relationship had helped her to define the type of partner she would really resonate with--someone who was on a similar spiritual path, someone she could have a deep connection with, and someone who loved to be with groups of people.
This partner who she left wanted to always be alone with her and she liked to be with people. They also did not have the same spiritual interests which created distance between them.
She learned to bless the relationship and let it go to make room for the type of partner she wanted to be with and to free her previous partner to find a more appropriate mate.
She learned that her relationship wasn't a "failure" because of what it taught her about herself and her life- what she wanted and what she didn't want in a relationship.
People come and go in our lives. Some people are with us for a brief instant, for five days or for fifty or more years. The impact of these relationships on our lives can all be great.
Sometimes we don't understand why we are involved with someone in a particular relationship or why someone has such a hold on us. We don't understand why someone comes into our life for a brief time and then leaves.
What we've learned is that if a relationship isn't working out, it is not a bad thing or a failure that our society likes to label it. It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other "lessons."
We're not suggesting that you take your relationships lightly and throw them away at the first sign of conflict--Quite the contrary.
What we are saying is that the purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow--personally and spiritually. Even the relationships that are the most troubling to us can be gifts in learning more about ourselves.
So instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way you had hoped as a failure, we suggest you look at it as a growth experience and move forward consciously by learning from it.
It's the power of contrast that living in an unfulfilling relationship may give you. A woman brought her intimate relationship to an end after several years of turmoil with her partner. After the break-up, she realized what this relationship had taught her and that it wasn't a "failure."
This relationship had helped her to define the type of partner she would really resonate with--someone who was on a similar spiritual path, someone she could have a deep connection with, and someone who loved to be with groups of people.
This partner who she left wanted to always be alone with her and she liked to be with people. They also did not have the same spiritual interests which created distance between them.
She learned to bless the relationship and let it go to make room for the type of partner she wanted to be with and to free her previous partner to find a more appropriate mate.
She learned that her relationship wasn't a "failure" because of what it taught her about herself and her life- what she wanted and what she didn't want in a relationship.
People come and go in our lives. Some people are with us for a brief instant, for five days or for fifty or more years. The impact of these relationships on our lives can all be great.
Sometimes we don't understand why we are involved with someone in a particular relationship or why someone has such a hold on us. We don't understand why someone comes into our life for a brief time and then leaves.
What we've learned is that if a relationship isn't working out, it is not a bad thing or a failure that our society likes to label it. It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other "lessons."
We're not suggesting that you take your relationships lightly and throw them away at the first sign of conflict--Quite the contrary.
What we are saying is that the purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow--personally and spiritually. Even the relationships that are the most troubling to us can be gifts in learning more about ourselves.
So instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way you had hoped as a failure, we suggest you look at it as a growth experience and move forward consciously by learning from it.
WHY MOST MARRIAGES FAIL?
It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. There’s no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship. But while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work.
To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s take a look at the following Scripture passage:
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus] with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:35-40)
I believe that virtually every marital problem can be traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.
Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how he would like you to use your time?
As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve, anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time together. Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, childrearing issues and other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!
Have you struggled to find happiness in your marriage? Perhaps it’s time you and your spouse invited God to direct your relationship. If you would like to do so, we encourage you to pray the following:
"Dear God, thank you so much for bringing us together as a couple. We know that you have a plan and a purpose for our marriage, and we invite you to forgive the past self-centeredness, come into our lives and relationship and direct our steps from now on. Please give us the grace to put you and each other first every day. Make our relationship a blessing to others. But most of all; make it a blessing to you. Amen."
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